The Mistress In Camoflauge

I’ve reached a pivotal conclusion at this point in my life’s journey.When you are married to, the parent of, or somehow entwined with a deployed soldier, you serve alongside them. This is because you experience what they experience. You hurt when they hurt. You grieve their absence as they grieve being gone.

But, there’s another aspect not all together well known to the common, everyday person out there who watches TV and thinks all is well overseas.

When you enlist into the military, the government, the military, whatever you want to call it, has become your life mate–the one you will be forever married to even during peacetime and decades AFTER retirement. It’s a process successfully engrained into the soldiers’ heads as they go through boot camp, training, etc. They are no longer individuals in this microchasm of life. They are as one with the military/government.

You will never, ever be able to compete with the damn military/government. For survival’s sake, that will always be their one and true love and commitment. You are the oher woman, the other man, the step-parent, the redheaded step-child. You are second!

There’s a mistress in my future marriage. It’s not a bottle or homosexual porn, like in my second marriage. It’s not anything willing to screw or score of drugs like my common-law marriage. No, the “mistress” in my future marriage wears camoflauge. It forces my beloved to wear dog tags. It forces her to work 15 hour days/ 7 days a week. It forces calls to drop and internet to cease at the worst times. It makes communication all but obsolete and impossible to carry out. It  makes things lonely. It takes your beloved a world away for months and years at a time. It pays little and costs big, sometimes their life and limb. The housing is crap. The legal paperwork solidifying every detail of your relationship is daunting. But, without it, the military doesn’t know who gets the dead body or the property or the insurance money…..

I have kept myself busy with many projects, I’m proud to say. I have a lot of great ideas but going through a difficult divorce and living in a small town makes it hard to bring some of these things to fruition. For example, I wish I could help military families by volunteering my time or skills somehow.

Until I can figure out how to do that, I am making adorable baby clothes at my cybershop, Far Out Sprouts. Here’s one of my latest items….

http://www.etsy.com/listing/91797116/baby-boy-pants-hand-embroidered-with

Funny Observations This Week From A Single Parent

Sometimes I have to stand back and laugh at the absurdity and oddity of my life. Here’s a quick snapshot of the last 168 hours (that’s 7 days for those who can’t do math;)  )…..

USELESS FACTOID #1:If your washer is going to break down, make sure that it’s not full of water and your naughty unmentionables are inside it. That way your floor doesn’t flood and your sons aren’t sliding the cats across the water while laughing hysterically…..or the repair man doesn’t make strange faces at those items of apparel inside the washer…..(fortunately whips and chains AREN’T machine washable;)  )

 

USELESS FACTOID #2: Getting rid of ringworm and/or strep throat is almost harder than getting rid of an ex, only more legal.

(it’s the cat who has ringworm)

USELESS FACTOID #3: I found out it’s easy to make dolls for my Etsy store and they are the most popular items!

USELESS FACTOID #4: It is possible for a 9 year old to finish off a whole bag of (family size) chips and STILL be hungry!

USELESS FACTOID #5: Skype IS a romantic way to propose to someone…especially if your beloved is hundreds of thousands of miles away fighting in a dumb war.

and finally….

USELESS FACTOID#6: If you wait until (insert important event in your life here) to be happy and content, the cows will never come home (an American saying for those for those of you who don’t know) AND you will surely encounter A LOT of bull!

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Farewell My Beloved Soldier, I love You

As one may know from reading my additional blog posts and pages here, I have been through enormous pain, trials, and tribulations in my life. However painful it was to lose a child or a father, nothing compared to the enormity and excruciating pain, the raw emotion of putting my fiance’ onto a plane heading for war-torn Iraq for her first tour of duty. It’s human nature to want to protect those you love. It’s against anything innate of oneself to thrust a person you love into innevitable bombing and likely dismemberment and death. At least in the past, with most of my losses, I was comforted in knowing the person would be in Heaven and thus, in a better place. However, there is no comfort here. Only photos and sporadic calls from a distant land, affirming she is still okay. Though I’m not inclined to say how long this tour will be, I will tell you it will be for a very long time.

I hesitate in writing anymore about this horrific moment in my life because I know I also have to contend with a molevelant force of nature in my life…a stalking ex who continues to parasitically feed off of me. It’s been almost a year since the legal seperation. However, the common outsider would never deduce this fact by her actions. I am consistantly amazed by her fascination in me. The comfort here is knowing that I am surrounded by those who love me dearly and knowing my life has been richly blessed in ways that I would have never guessed. I am in a far better place now.

(here’s “our song” which makes me cry everytime I hear it now….)

For now I can only post this photos below….if you are in need of someone to talk to about your military spouse/significant other/child being in active duty, you can send me a line anytime. I am willing to listen….often a stranger is better than nothing at all!

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Apparently hundreds of soldiers were also being deployed at the same time, so I also took a photo diary of this fact too. War is truly an ugly monster!

Related articles

• The Army Of The Lord (mrasherkade.wordpress.com)
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UPDATE On Far Out Sprouts Store

I have recently opened up a small business of my own, Far Out Sprouts. It’s an online boutique of alternative, gothic baby clothes. There are some more traditional stuff lurking around the store too….for those of you who are not brave enough to stand out in a crowd!

Here’s a sneak preview:

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You can find these items and many more at Far Out Sprouts!

Why GI Joe Is Single Or Not Married (PHOTOS)

‘There is a simple explanation as to why GI Joe (or Jane) is single and here is a pictorial reason why…as told by a military spouse or significant other….

**Think for a moment why other crappy dolls like Barbie and Raggedy Ann had a mate, but GI Joe only had ammo and a military outfit (and not a plethora of other outfits like aforementioned dolls)**

Here is sweet Gi Joe(or  Jane), so cute and sweet and decked out in bad ass gear…. but what doesn’t come with this overly-desired doll even today (20+ yrs later) is a freaking dose of reality! You see, if this doll came with HONEST accessories, it would have come with  a huge stack of medical files (to clear him for active duty) and lawyer paperwork/legal documents stating who would have ownership and responsibility for Gi Joe’s financial accounts/bills and his dead body in the event he is blown up in combat.

GI Joe’s family and loved ones would be glued to the TV watching misleading news coverage about soldiers coming home from a successful war in which our country supposively won. The family and friends would, like everyone else in the clueless country, think there were no more terroristic threats, no more underwear bombs, and travel was now safe to do.

In addition, GI Joe (Jane) would no longer need lawyers and medical files up to their eyeballs or the need to acquire Skype accounts/software/laptops to get video access to their families while overseas. You see, there would supposively be no more war and EVERYONE would be coming home now.  (enter hint of sarcasm here)

No more war means no need for anthrax vaccines, boots to trip over on your bedroom floor, and ENDLESS drills that take GI Joe far,far away to distant lands at inconvienant times and for endless lengths of time.

…No more fear of not seeing GI Joe come safe and in one piece…..

…or contracting a deadly disease from the war and dying from it 30 freaking years later!! (enter volitile anger here)

…and one of GI Joe’s many ”accessories”….the infamous folded flag which I can’t seem to get enough of…..

…or the stomach-churning conversations with your children (as everyone waves goodbye to GI Joe) ‘what if daddy/mommy comes home without legs or arms?’ (yes, I have had MANY of these!)

You see, GI Joe is single and NOT married because one of many of his “accessories” (for an additional price, not included with the doll) is terrorism, bombs, amputation, forever and ever drills, boots on the floor, misleading news coverages, misguided deployment dates and dates of returning home, endless meals alone, dumbass presidents, widowhood, and folded flags.

God Bless America….home of the brave.

The Army Of The Lord

A song has frequented the darkest lairs of my mind lately….seems daddy is never really dead because I can always hear his voice, his laugh, his singing, or something…and no, I’m not Bipolar with delusions like my son or schizophrenic……

The song is The Army of the Lord by Harvest, which dad sang A LOT when he was alive. I suppose it’s because I’m about to send my beloved out to Iraq, a war which I vehemently do not support. It is hard to like the war when your dad dies from being poisoned by one, your uncle contracts a lung disease eerily similar to the one your dad had and probably died from it too, and then your son joins the Navy, and now your love of your life is deploying to one. I suppose this sort of sacrifice is never expected to be tolerable. What is harder, being a soldier or a spouse of one?! It’s down right raw. I don’t want anything out of this world but the knowledge and contentment that comes from happy, well cared for children and to eventually die knowing I was loved by someone special.

I sewed on the ensignia for my beloved’s “cover” (a hat) and then made sure the uniforms were in top shape and clean today. Fighting back the tears has become routine in this army of the Lord. Deployment “d-day” will be in a couple of weeks. She will be gone for a year…..

I’m Sort Of Baaaaaack!

I don’t have a lot of time to write these days. I have been focusing on trying to avoid my still-stalking ex spouse and working. That consumes at least 80% of my life. When I have “free time” I am a parent. This leaves me with about 5 minutes a week for myself. Normally I choose to take a shower. So, the fact that I am sitting here writing indicated that I am a public health hazard….hahahaha. Anyway, if you want to see another thing I try to carve out time for, click below! (I categorize this as “work”)

 

http://www.etsy.com/shop/FarOutSprouts

 

The End Of My Blog….

Image via Wikipedia

After several years writing this blog, I’ve decided to end my blog….at least for several months if not forever, I have not decided yet. Thank you all for reading my blog. Thank you to the fans who supported me. I enjoyed every minute of writing this blog and the mental release it gave me. However, through personal reasons and conflict, I am resigning as a writer in a personal sense, and shall focus solely upon my professional musings which give me less stress and agony.

To any who found my blog posts the least bit offensive, you know who you are, please forgive me from the bottom of my heart. I never meant it to hurt you. I see now that writing is not theraputic, but instead a greater sense of loss and anguish.

A week from today, none of you will see this blog active. This will give my large fan base the ability to be notified of my retreat and resignation from the blog world.

Signing off for the last time,

Asher Kade

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Making Homemade Christmas Ornaments For Our First Post-Divorce Holiday Season

As one would imagine, this Christmas is going to be WAY DIFFERANT than any of the ones on the past. Dad is dead. My children’s mom is gone. I lost a lot of my friends and “family” (in-laws) with the divorce. I don’t have a lot of money as a single parent. BUT,I have not lost hope. I’m going to make this the best holiday ever. That doesn’t mean I’m going to go into debt with presents and materialism. I’m just going to continue spending a lot of time with the boys and make the most of what I can spend on them.

I decided this year I am going to get a Christmas-esque potted living tree…that can fit on the table. This way it’s not a lost investment and I can enjoy it year round as it grows up….outside the house of course.

The small tree won’t need a lot of ornaments or lights. I decided it would be a whole lot more fun to make the ornaments. In a few years, my 9-year-old will find this extremely lame, and my younger son will want to go dirt bike racing or something. I must squander what time and undivided attention I have with them now before I lose it!

My kids LOVE to make things, even if they aren’t Picasso or Renoir. The following slideshow is their creations. I didn’t take final pictures of some of the ornaments…ooops, but I will have them later. The silver angel eventually looks like a drag queen with white pom-poms and wild hair. The Santa Claus looks like a pedophile. The gingerbread men look like the Fraggles on Fraggle Rock. The picture frames in Christmas shapes are also a bit, um, Adam’s Family. But, would you expect anything different from us? Of course not. Who wants normal ornaments? Normal is over-rated. I had a friend to help along with this project, as I knew when I eventually move out of this place, there would be plenty of glitter and glue on the carpet. I didn’t need more of it! I needed an “art bouncer” to oversee the chaos and keep things orderly!

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25 Definitions Of Words That Don’t Translate Between Parent And Teen

I have a really close relationship with my 17-year-old daughter even though I rarely see her (long story). So, when I saw this article on HP, I had to laugh. It’s just so true! Here’s some of those definitions of words that parents and teens just don’t fully get and/or are on the same page about. (which can make for a very confusing conversation with your teen and make you wonder if what planet they are  on   )

Emos

Parent: is this a puppet or kids toy?

Kid: Someone who is 10X more gothic than usual, cuts themself for fun, finds near suicidal success attempts as a hobby, and does a lot of drugs/alcohol

Virus

Parent: something nasty that you got in the winter and involved a lot of mucus

Kid: something nasty your computer gets and involves a lot of work to eradicate.

Tweet

Parent: what a bird makes

Kid: what a celebrity does

CD

Parent: ‘certificate of deposit‘, a financial product that once earned interest.
Kid: what parents used to listen to music on before iTunes.

Like

Parent: a positive sentiment, generally about a person, place or thing.
Kid: a “button” (on Facebook) expressing one’s vote of agreement.

Dope

Parent: drugs

Kid: something very awesome

Hater/H8tr

Parent: someone that one dislikes

Kid: more than hate. It’s a person who is so pessimistic that no one can stand that person

Text/IM

Parent: the original words of something written or printed.
Kid: phone message made up of the letters OMG, TTYL, LOL & WTF.

Junk

Parent: the stuff in one’s attic.
Kid: the stuff in one’s pants.

Party 

Parent: where Tupperware or words are exchanged after church.

Kid: where alcohol,drugs, and stupid pranks are exchanged.

Chat

Parent: what you do in person with friends.
Kid: what you do on a computer with buddies.

 Wanksta

Parent: no previous comparison and unable to decode.

Kid: a dork who can’t pull off being tough. This person is a total fake.

Network

Parent: friends and neighbors with whom you actually hang out.
Kid: people you “know” on Facebook and Twitter, most of whom you’ve never met.

Bounce

Parent: what one does with a ball

Kid: to leave a lame party

Roaming

Parent: What the buffalo did on the range.
Kid: Excessive phone charges, paid by parent.

Swipe

Parent: to steal.
Kid: what you do with a credit card, also paid by parent.

To see more, click here. 

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